New Year, New Choices

My husband and I have moved around a lot. It seemed like, at one point in our lives, there was always something going on. Whether we were getting married, moving to a new city or state, getting new jobs or having babies, we were always calling family "with news". Even little things, like meeting governors and rock stars were big news. Ha, turns out they're not so little after all: Sharkira and I have stayed in touch via My Space since our backstage meet and greet in Vegas and we are, like, totally, BFFs. Conversations with my husband and I about our goings on were always a laundry list of events and commotion and change.

Lately, we have not moved (thank goodness!) and we are done having babies (phew!). But as for the job front, my life has been in flux. In September, when the kids both started all-day school, as a stay-at-home mom with no kids at home all day I decided to dedicate myself to writing and begin working on a book. I shouted it from the rooftops. This was to be my mission. I was determined, impassioned and motivated. And yet, lost.

Working on a big project like a book feels endless, with no points of completion to aim toward. I felt like my routine was a mess, if there was any routine to speak of. I was not accustomed to having a 6-7 hour period of time to myself, for "work". Sure, I could have scrapbooked all day, read for a while, and then whipped out the latest novel I was reading. But that felt criminal and irresponsible. No, I needed a routine to hang my daily tasks on. When would I clean, when would I run errands and do the shopping? How would I balance writing a book with the tasks and responsibilities that I had to keep? Something was missing. I struggled for months.

Sure, I got some writing in. I made a routine for myself for a little while. But then my daughter's birthday came, Thanksgiving swooped in, and the Christmukkah season fell on me like a ton of bricks, crumbled into tiny, grainy pieces. I spent all my time preparing lists, shopping, creating, wrapping and organizing. I love this time of year but it truly exhausts me. And writing slipped away.

In the midst of all the holiday hoopla, my husband (who is the kindest, most patient supporter) somehow brought up the subject - again - of starting a photography business. I'd considered doing it before, months earlier, and before that, even more months earlier. I was too scared to dip my toe in the water. What if there was a piranha? What if it didn't take and nobody liked my work? My husband held my hand through all my doubts and shook his head. When you're ready, he would say to me.

So back to December, we were discussing it again. But this time, I'd had just enough conversations with people who did like my work and who did think I was worth it. I started to believe. Maybe I just could make this happen. You know that little girl in dance class who really, truly, has no rhythm or coordination but she tries so very hard to do her best? And afterwards, her family rushes to her side and showers her with compliments and positive feedback? So she goes on, taking more and more dance classes, never realizing that perhaps she should take up another endeavor and that her family was just being her family?

That's how I've felt about my photography. I love it and I enjoy it so much, but it's one thing when your dad tells you it's a great picture or when someone pays you for the great picture. Would people really pay me to take pictures? Could this really work? I don't know the answer quite yet but I came to the decision that I'm going to give it a shot. The one thing I've always told myself in every area of my life, is to live without regrets. If I didn't do this now, I'd look back in 5 years, 10 years or even 20 years and wonder why. Why didn't I at least try?

My husband and I have been hard at work for the last several weeks, putting the pieces together. I announced the birth of our company to family and friends in person, on the phone and on Facebook (aka "the immediate world"). Now it's time to get to work. I'm so excited and inspired and yes, a little scared. But that's okay. I can be scared, it keeps me on my toes.

My hope is that in a year, I'll look back and read this. I'll read this entry and be proud of my year-ago self for being brave and stepping out of her comfort zone. I'll be proud that she tried, that she (mostly) got over her issues of self-confidence and DID something for herself. I don't know if I'll have a long client list or have my work hanging above various people's mantles, I can't know that just yet. But I do know that I'm going to try. And at that, try my best.

Here is my brand new website, fresh off the press. Introducing Stories Framed Photography, at your service.

And by the way, as for the writing part, I will never give that up. It's too much a part of me to let go of. Sort of like that photography thing.